Saving Myself
by ShatteredHeart98
Summary: Natsuki can't stand Shizuru, and she is sick of having her save her life all of the time. Our lone wolf decides to get away from it all, but when Shizuru becomes the one in danger, will she put aside all of her anger and save her? NatShiz and closeness
1. Unwanted Protector

**Saving Myself**

**Chapter One**

**Unwanted Protector**

_Natsuki POV_

She stands with her head held high, her tea brewing before her on her desk as she listens with that calm smile as her fellow council members argue. Such pride and unwavering patience made her look like a role model, and as if that didn't attract enough attention for her, most of the school had a crush on her for her beauty and kindness alone.

Everyone accept for me of course.

I glared through the crack of the open door at her, noting how she leaned back in her chair and gazed across the room without paying any real attention. Her mind was always somewhere else it seemed…

Wait, what am I doing?! I hate her! I loathe her! And the reason for it reeks of irony…

As though sensing my angered thoughts towards her, her crimson eyes turned in my direction and locked with my own. Immediately her mouth curved into an actual smile, a smile of pure delight.

"Why Natsuki, why don't you come in instead of looking through that door. You look like you have something to hide, staring at me like that."

I felt my face go red with embarrassment and anger. "W-what?" I gasped as I threw the door open and stormed in. "I was… uhhh…" I saw the clock hanging above her head on the wall behind her and grinned. "I was just checking the time."

Her smile faded a little and a flash of emotion passed over her features. It was too fast for me to recognise, but I was sure it was disappointment.

"Well you took your time, didn't you? Do you have anything to say for that?"

Haruka was furious whenever I was late, even it if it was only by seconds. However, today I had been ten minutes late due to running into two fellow friends of mine, Mikoto and Mai. Despite how annoying they were, always cornering me and began talking non stop, they were still my friends. But today I had not been in the mood, knowing that I would have to face the wrath of the beast Haruka. It seemed fate enjoyed watching our little arguments though, it seemed, for she was already on my back.

"I'm sorry, but I-"

"No excuses!" she roared, pointing to a seat.

"You asked me to say something."

"Jut sit!" she growled, her finger jabbing at the chair again.

With a growl, I complied and sank into the seat, three chairs away from the nearest company. I liked being on my own, which was another reason why I couldn't stand Shizuru. She was staring at me already, I could feel it. She was always doing it, her eyes never leaving me whenever I was near. The vein in my neck felt like it would explode and I turned to her to see her smiling again.

Why was she always smiling at me?

Once the meeting was over I hurried to my room to change. It wasn't mine alone though. I stayed with Mikoto and Mai and somehow survived. I supposed it was the good food Mai cooked, and the peaceful conversations I could share with her. Mikoto was the entertainment, as cruel as it sounded. She also liked to buy things for Mai to use in her dishes, and she would bring me mayonnaise. Precious mayonnaise…

The thought made my mouth water as I changed and as though in a trance I headed to the fridge. It may not sound appetising to someone with normal taste buds, but a bowel of the stuff was all I needed for lunch.

With my stomach full and no more lessons remaining for the day, I headed out into the wilderness of the school grounds with the wild animals. They were everywhere, some making out, some frolicking through the fields. Many of them gave me lingering looks as I was known as the Ice Queen, or whatever they called me. I didn't care. The only stare that sent pricks up my spine was Shizuru's.

As though expecting her to be behind me with those blood coloured eyes, I turned. She wasn't there, and I pat the beck of my neck nervously. Was I getting paranoid?

"Damn it, pull yourself together!" I muttered to myself, heading towards the forest, my favourite part of the school. It led to the mountains and the lake, the most serene areas I could get to where no one would follow. No one but her.

I supposed I should tell you why I hate her so much, right? Why I have to look over my shoulder and constantly hide from her stare? The truth is… she is my saviour. She always has been, and still is, and I hate the fact.

During my first months back here at school I was shaken up by my mother's death. She found me crying in the library at one time and comforted me. Of course, the motherly touch of someone was not what I needed, so I ran. The next time she saved me from myself was when I was choking at the lunch tables. She performed the hymnlike on me and dislodged the mayonnaise soaked sausage (leave my eating habits alone!). Everyone had cheered, but the embarrassment was too much for me and I ran, again.

I was my own protector. My personality demanded it. I hated it when people fought for me, even if they did save my life. A small part of me wished sometimes that I wasn't so cold and I could thank her, but my pride was too much.

Amongst the trees, I felt free, like I could scream and no one would have to hear me. It was calming, being alone like this, and I could finally smile. I decided to head to the lake and get some fresh air. As I had expected, Haruka had a lot to say like usual, and the meeting had gone on for over the usual hour. I thought my teeth were going to break as I ground them together the entire time. Both the blonde and the brunette were getting to me, and I was glad to be rid of their presence.

The lake was not far, and I enjoyed the walk. Despite people thinking that I was some sort of psychopath whom would probably strangle a kitten, I had a soft spot for animals, especially the cuddly fluffy ones. I listened to them as I walked and it calmed my aching head from the sound of yelling council members, namely Haruka.

The lake worked a charm, ridding me of the final pounds of a headache. I sat at the edge and stared onto the shining surface, letting all of my emotions float away. As I had suspected, there was no one here. Only the trees surrounded me, breaking apart so the lake could stretch out to the mountains. It gathered speed as it ran towards the slopes, and despite the danger, I felt like I needed a rush.

Adrenaline was like a second nature to me. It was an addiction, an obsession, thus was my fetish for motor bikes. Seeing as my precious bike wasn't here with me, I decided that the only other was to get my mind off of everything was to go for a swim near the rapids. I wouldn't go too far of course, and I was an expert swimmer. If anything went wrong, I would save myself.

I stripped off into my underwear, my eyes peering around for anyone who might have decided to come down to the lake for some peace and quiet as well. So far, there was no one, so I eased into the water and sank down beneath the surface to wash away the filth of the day. The water was cold and I surfaced to feel the warm sun on my face again. Droplets of water cascaded down my body, cooling me instantly. I wiped my eyes free. The beginning of the rapids was not far, and I was in a hurry to feel that rush before Mai expected me back for dinner.

That's right, she treated me like a member of the family. She was the mother, I was the teenager, and Mikoto was the pet.

I swam through the water, my arms ripping through like it was nothing. I took extra swimming lessons when I was a little girl because I enjoyed it so much. My mother had of course been delighted to pay for them, and I could remember her face when I told her that I wanted to go on a motor bike one day. Of course, she forgot about it seeing as I was ten, but the wish never left me.

Remembering her was like piercing myself with a knife. I swore to myself and bowed my head down into the water. _Just concentrate on swimming, _I thought. _This is your time, so don't ruin it with the past._

I kicked hard with my legs and kept my mind on every stroke. It worked well enough that I completely forgot about the council meeting, Haruka's burning anger for my lateness, and even Shizuru.

Then I felt it. The tug. My eyes lifted and glistened with excitement as I saw the river begin to slide down a small hill and swerve into the darkness of the forest. This is where the dash began.

I rested my feet into the pebbles at the bottom of the lake and pushed off. My body sped through the water and was caught in the rapids. I had done this before, of course, so I directed my body in the centre away from the rocks and waited for the branch that lied in the forest. When I reached it I would grab on and hoist myself on as usual and I would be safe, laughing myself to teras in the tree at the fun of it all.

So maybe I sound a little crazy, but what else do you do when you need to desperately get things out of your head? People have their own ways of dealing with it: Self harm, social sites, eating. My cure was adventure. Speedy adventure.

I slipped under the cooled shadows of the trees. The water raged around me and I stayed flat and straight, letting it carry me on its back. My blood tingled and coursed through me, my heart thudding against my chest. The fear only heightened my senses and made it more amazing, but like good things… it had to come to an end.

I hoisted my body up with a powerful push from the cobbled ground beneath me and reached up at the same point, my fingers searching for the branch that would pull me out. The feeling of it was so familiar that I was shocked when I grasped at nothing but air.

The branch was gone.

"Shit!" I swore before my body fell beneath the water. Bubbles exploded around me and I was blinded. Struggling to find the edge of the river, my hands reached out desperately, finding nothing but air again. I strove out for the rocks, but they were too slick to hold onto. My body was thrown out of its position and left me to be pulled about like a rag doll. I was almost relieved to lose all senses as my head struck the bottom.

I was floating without feeling, the water carrying me into the calmer depths. I wasn't sure where I was, but the rapids were slowing. I had no strength to move though, so I was stuck beneath the surface.

_So this is it, _I thought, opening my eyes a crack to get a last glimpse at the world that was nothing but muddy water. _What a pathetic way to die. But at least I had fun beforehand. Those rapids were… really… something…_

My thoughts began to break down as darkness started to engulf me. I hadn't had air for over a minute at least, and my body couldn't take it anymore. I felt my chest aching so badly I thought for a moment I had been injured. My muscles were lifeless as though my limbs were made of spaghetti.

Did I regret anything?

No.

But I didn't count on being rescued either.

Something broke through the surface and appeared before me in flash of bubbles as they disturbed the lake. I felt that familiar feeling inside as my pride was threatened.

_No, I can get myself out of this, _I thought, tyring to push them away. Of course, I could do nothing in this sate, and I was caught tightly around the middle. Whoever it was, they were strong. In little effort we were both above the surface, but I knew no more. My consciousness gave one final flicker as I stared into red orbs, then it was gone.

**********

"Natsuki…"

The voice echoed in my mind.

"Natsuki… can you hear me?"

I tried to reply, but it was little more than a croak. I couldn't move an inch. Someone was slapping me in the face. I felt like slapping them back and raised my hand a little as my strength returned. I could hear them better now.

"If you don't wake up, I'll have no choice but to give you mouth-to-mouth, Natsuki…"

_Oh God no!_

I jerked to life, my strength retuning in a heart beat. Above me was… no, it couldn't be… "Shizuru?"

She gave me that smile that could mean so many things. "Well, well, looks like I don't get to after all."

It wasn't what she said exactly, but all of a sudden the water I had taken in gushed out. I coughed it directly at her face (Trust me, it wasn't actually intentional), but she swiftly and gracefully flipped me onto the side and it all soaked out into the grass leaving her completely dry.

"That's it Natsuki. Get it all out of your system."

I dug my nails into the grass as I vomited up the last few litres of the lake. "I'd rather it if you got out of my system."

"What?"

My eyes widened as I realised what I had said sounded like. "That… didn't come out right."

A smile crossed over Shizuru's face. That smile! That annoying little smile! "Sure, sure, Natsuki."

Her sarcasm annoyed me even more and I inched away from her on the grass, aware that I probably moved like a half drowned turtle. Unfortunately my weakness from my little stunt meant I was slow as well, and Shizuru caught my arm easily.

"I don't think so, Natsuki. You've swallowed a lot of water. I think it's time to get you to the nurse."

I ground my teeth and tried to break free from her. Why did she have to save me yet again? For once, couldn't it at least be someone else? Why was it constantly her diving into things and rescuing me? I opened my mouth to let her know just what I thought of her when she lifted me up into her arms and started to carry me like a groom carrying his new wife.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing?" I asked, the strength of my voice well and truly restored.

"You can't possible be expected to walk after almost drowning like that, Natsuki."

"Put me down, you ogre!"

"Now that's not a very nice thing to call your saviour."

Her sweet voice wasn't doing her any favours against my wrath, and she just put a bullet in her own head by calling herself my saviour. "Don't you _dare _bring up all of those times! I don't need your help! You just dive in there and pretend to be a hero when I don't even need your help!"

Shizuru didn't even look hurt. She just kept on grinning. "You would have drowned if I hadn't pulled you out of those rapids. Are you saying you would rather die than be saved, Natsuki?"

Finally, she was getting it. "Yes! That is exactly what I am saying!"

"Well… I would never let that happen to a student, let alone you, Natsuki."

I didn't even want to know what that meant. "Just put me down," I groaned.

"Not a chance."

So that was how it was. She carried me through the forest in her arms with me screaming and swearing the entire way. I was dreading being seen by everyone in the school. My face went red with embarrassment just thinking about it.

"Shizuru, I feel fine. Can you put me down now?"

She glanced down at me and shook her head. "I don't think so. You look terrible."

"That's because you are holding me in a totally embarrassing way! I don't need your help! I have legs!"

"Uh… Natsuki?"

That voice was so familiar that it struck me like a hammer. I turned with stricken eyes to see Mai standing just outside of the school doors, her eyes wide and staring.

"It isn't what it looks like!" I said quickly. "I'm trying to get her to put me down, but she won't listen!"

"Now, now, Natsuki. Looks like I'm not the only one you had worried," Shizuru said, greeting Mai with a surprisingly formal bow. "Good evening, Mai."

"G-good evening," Mai stumbled. "I was just coming to look for you, Natsuki, but… well… did something happen?"

I tried to answer, but Shizuru was faster. "Natsuki here was drowning in the rapids near the forest and I saved her life. Now she is too weak to make it to the nurses office on her own, so I am taking the liberty of delivering her there myself."

Mai could see the plead in my eyes and tried to rescue me from my own annoying saviour. "Umm, well, maybe I could take her off of your hands. I mean, you look pretty tired, Shizuru."

The woman only laughed. "I feel fine, Mai, thank you. Anyway, I don't think you could carry Natsuki on your own like this."

A new flame of anger roared to life inside of me. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Language, Natsuki," Shizuru answered simply, shaking her head. "Such inappropriate language you have."

Mai smiled apologetically and hurried off to find the cat-girl, Mikoto, so my disdain. Shizuru and I headed into the first hall and my eyes immediately searched for anyone. Luckily it seemed they were all eating dinner. Then a bell rung, and my heart gave a painful jolt.

_It was lunchtime!_

Students broke out into the hall, heading everywhere they saw fit to enjoy their lunch. Of course, many of them rathered the peaceful fields and headed straight towards me and Shizuru.

I swear I died and had an out of body experience.

Every pair of eyes in the hall stared right at me, and all voices ended and turned to giggles. Many boys went red and turned away having their dreams of Shizuru crushed, but others were delighted at the 'girl with a girl' event. Many of the female students whispered, 'How cute,' or 'I never thought they were like that.'

Shizuru walked past them all slowly, deliberately letting many of them pass before us and wasting time. I closed my eyes and pretended to be unconscious so I wouldn't have to look, but I could feel their stares and it was enough to make me feel sick to the stomach.

_Damn you, Shizuru!_

By the time we reached the nurse, Yhoko, lunch break was almost over and half of the school had seen me in Shizuru's arms. I had been mortally wounded and refused to show my face again.

"Here we are, Natsuki."

I opened my eyes a crack to see the nurse's office door right in front of me, and tried again to leap out of Shizuru's arms. Still my strength was sapped and I ended up on my backside.

"So hasty." Shizuru gathered me up again and pushed her way through the door with her back. I tried again to escape her clutches, but she held me still and turned so I was forced to face not only Yhoko, but Midori.

Needless to say, she found it hilarious. The woman was in hysterics, and I could have been mortally wounded. Yhoko took a much more serious approach and helped me to a free bed as Shizuru tried to explain everything to Midori whom was going red trying not to lose it again.

As I rested against the sheets and the two nurses tried to make sense out of Shizuru whom seemed to be busy asking if I was okay, I found myself seething in so much anger that a tear ran down my cheek. Immediately, I moved onto my side away from them. I didn't want to be seen as a weak person again like I had been over the past few weeks of being saved by Shizuru. I needed time by myself.

I needed to get away from her.


	2. Escaping Safety

**Chapter Two**

**Escaping Safety**

Shizuru had always been there, every single year, every single day. It was as though she knew I would have something happen to me that would require her rescue. Did she have some sort of radar? Surely not…

Morning had come and I was still in the nurse's office. I had told Midori that I still didn't feel well after she had asked that night, so she let me stay. I had had a visit from Mai and Mikoto, but I kept it short. I wasn't in the mood to talk about what happened yesterday.

Now I was ready to go back to my dorm. I changed into a dry pair of clothes as yesterdays were still soaking and I didn't fancy walking through the halls in a pair of Midori's spare attires.

I could remember all of the times when she had saved me. There were plenty after all. One of the most memorable and least enjoyable was the time when I had fallen asleep in the toilet cubicle after spending the night lying awake as usual. Apparently someone had been knocking on the door for sometime but I was well and truly out of it.

Shizuru, as though answering a dog whistle, burst in and pulled me out, not realising of course, that I had not been able to pull my pants up before I had fallen asleep. To add to the embarrassment there was a small crowd in the toilets to find out what had happened, and I awoke to their laughter and pointing fingers.

No one teases the ice queen!

I could feel myself blushing at the memory and shook my head. I had screamed and sworn at her, run from her and hidden, but she still didn't give up. She chased me and stayed by the closet I had locked myself in until I had fallen asleep again. The next day I had woken up in my bed, and all day I heard people talking about Shizuru walking in on me in the toilet with my pants down.

_Thank goodness that was the only thing, otherwise I would have died then and there._

I punched a fist into the mattress. Why did she have to do things like that? Drag me through mortal humiliation constantly? Did she feel bad for it?

"Probably not," I muttered to myself, walking out of the bed area and heading for the door. I glanced at Midori as I passed who was fast asleep at her desk with an empty bottle of wine next to her. Was she always wasted like that?

"Kuga."

I turned to see Yhoko approaching from a side room, her smile friendly as usual. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I shrugged. "Better than yesterday, that's for sure."

I saw a hint of amusement pass over her face and sighed.

"Well, if you're sure, than I guess you can get back to your dorm. You did swallow a lot of water after all, so I just want to make sure you're okay," she said, opening the door for me as though I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I passed through and turned to give her a reassuring nod. "Trust me, if I don't run into Shizuru, I'll be fine."

Now Yhoko did laugh, and I turned away in disgust and headed towards my dorm.

"Wait, Kuga!"

She was beginning to get on my nerves.

Yhoko caught up with me in quick strides and grasped my shoulder lightly. "If Shizuru hadn't saved you yesterday, I don't think anyone else would have found you in time," she said, her voice suddenly grim.

I went to turn away again, but she refused to let me go.

"Kuga… She only does it because she cares."

That was a shock. I stared at the nurse, her eyes glinting with kindness. I knew she was right, but I couldn't handle being saved. Did anyone understand that?

"Okay," I said simply. "I'll be sure to thank her."

This seemed to please the woman. She finally released me and bade me farewell after telling me to take care and call in sick to lessons if I was too tired.

"That sounds like a plan," I said to myself as Yhoko disappeared into the nurse's office again. "Maybe taking lessons won't be such a good idea today."

By the time I entered my dorm, Mai was already up and cooking and Mikoto was in bed, asleep. I was usually the first one up, going for a short walk or a ride on my bike. I had never really seen Mai this busy before, her hair flying about her as she rushed around the kitchen. At the sound of me entering her head snapped up from the pan she was leaning over.

"N-Natsuki! You're back!"

"It seems so," I said simply, heading into the messy kitchen and leaning against the counter. "Don't tell me, though… The entire school's talking about what happened yesterday?"

The twinge of a grin on her face told me what I didn't want to hear and I let out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry, Natsuki. I would lie, but you always seem to know when I'm not telling the truth."

That was true. She was a horrible liar.

I turned my back on her and dragged my tired body head over to my bed. "I'm going back to sleep. Don't wake me. I'm not going to any lessons today."

"O-okay," she said quietly. "But don't you want to eat?"

My head turned back to her. I was hungry, starving even. "I guess so. I haven't eaten since yesterday at breakfast."

On Mai's bed, Mikoto began to stir. Her ears twitched and she lifted her head, her tired eyes staring at me before she leapt from her mattress and caught me in an unexpected embrace.

"W-what?" I gasped, trying to dislodge her. "She knows not to hug me! You taught her that, right?"

Mai laughed from the kitchen. "She thinks you're me, Natsuki! She's so used to me being there to wake her up that she doesn't realise!"

I glared down at the girl as she tightened her arms around me. "Hey, cat girl! I'm not Mai, get it! Release!" To add effect to my command, I shuffled my hips and she slid down to clutch at my feet.

"Not… Mai?" she mumbled, raising her eyes to see my own burning into hers. Immediately she backed up and let out a high pitched animal scream. "Oh no, don't shoot me! Mai, she's going to shoot me!"

I rolled my eyes, but played along. "As long as you never touch me again, I'll let you live… for now."

Again the girl cried out and Mai had to rush over with her cure: a bowel of steaming noddles. Mikoto silenced at once and fell onto the bed where she sat at the edge and ate great mouthfuls of the breakfast. "Mai's cooking is so good!"

The red-head rested her hands on her hips and exhaled deeply. "Well I'm glad you like it as usual, Mikoto."

The scene was almost sickening as the pair gazed up at each other and smiled. I swear, sometimes those two have more going on than anyone else realises.

Once I had eaten, I felt a lot better. Sitting at the table with Mai was relaxing after the day before, and I was even starting to forget about it, when…

"Shizuru came around yesterday."

I choked halfway through the meal. "She _what?!"_

Mai didn't look up as though she would burst into laughter if she did. "She wanted to know if you had come back here. Apparently she was planning on carrying you back to Yhoko if you had managed to escape."

I gritted my teeth. "She could try!"

"You didn't seem to be able to fight her off yesterday…"

"What does that mean?"

Mai raised her hands up in defence. "I'm only saying that although I believe that you didn't appreciate what she did, it looked a little suss on both sides. After all, you weren't really putting up a fight."

I thought about that seriously for a moment. Sure, I had been weak from the almost drowning incident, but there had been something else. Her arms had felt so comfortable and safe, so warm, so soft…

"It wasn't like that! I was barely conscious!"

Again Mai looked taken aback. "Hey, I'm on your side! I'm just saying that, well…" She suddenly spoke in a small voice. "No one else is convinced."

I bit into my lip so hard that I tasted blood. "So everyone in the school thinks we're together?" I asked, my voice trembling. Things had never been this bad. The other students had always kept their suspicions quiet, but now it was going through the entire school! What the hell was I going to do?

"Are you alright?" Mai's eyes were filled with concern.

I chewed on my wounded lip and rose without facing her. "I'm going for a walk. Don't worry and do something rash like getting a teacher. I'll be back by dinner time."

"But Natsuki-"

"Promise me you won't get a teacher." My eyes burned into hers. "I need this time alone."

She caved in and turned away shamefully. "Fine, but if you get hurt, I'll blame myself."

"I won't get hurt," I assured her, gathering my guns just in case she didn't believe me. She had always hated the fact that I hid them in our dorm, but for the first time she looked relieved as I rested them into their sheaths.

"Is Natsuki going?" Mikoto asked, coming back over with her empty bowel and handing it to Mai, which meant she was still hungry.

I nodded. "I'll come back for dinner," I repeated. "Like I said, don't worry about me."

They both stared as I left, wondering where on earth I was going and what I was going to do. Little did they know that I would only be in the forest, practically in the backyard. It was the best privacy I was going to get if I headed deep enough, and that was the plan. Some hours to my own thoughts seemed like the best way to deal with this and get away from Shizuru's constant watch.

*****

I had been back at school for two weeks when Shizuru had first saved me. My mother's death weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn't concentrate in class, nor could I eat or sleep in the same pattern. I was constantly tired during the day and depressingly nocturnal at night. I would walk the halls like the wraith, my echoing sobs my only companion.

One night it all became too much for me and I needed to get away. It was a stormy night and rain was pouring outside. I dove into it, too stressed to even realise how badly the weather had gotten. I ran for some time until I couldn't hold myself together any more and collapsed near the entrance to the school.

The next morning I woke in the nurse's office (yeah, I spent a lot of time there), and I found out that Shizuru had gone looking for me as soon as she realised I was missing. At first that seemed normal until I realised that none of the other teachers or students had notified her of my disappearance. She had gone to check on me when I would have been sleeping, as creepy as that was, and upon learning that I wasn't there she ran out into the rain and carried me back in.

I was shocked at her display of care and concern, and then the feeling of dread sank in and I realised how weak it made me look and how much it reminded me of a motherly gesture. I refused to thank her, being as stubborn as I was, and I couldn't bring myself to even look at her as from that point on she always had her eye on me.

"Well not this time." I was deep in the forest, the darkness setting in as the canopy became thick above me. "I should have some time before she gets Mai to spit out that I've gone for a walk." I had my trust in Mai, which was something I didn't often do. Still, I was sure she could do this. After all, this wasn't the first time she had had to cover my ass.

I felt uneasy as I travelled through the trees. I kept taking glances over my shoulder as though Shizuru had followed me again, but she was no where to be found. It looked like I was alone… So why did I feel so high strung?  
Thinking about her made my heart jump in my chest and I clutched a hand to it in surprise. "That was… weird. I've never reacted like that before."

Officially freaked out by myself, I hurried to pick a spot to hide out and found the perfect little shady area closed off by trees on a small dip in the ground. It was as though the ground had been pressed down to create the perfect little place just for me, and I leapt down into the mini-bowel eagerly. Sitting with my back to the tree, I started to let my body rest for the tension I had gone through.

Unfortunately, whenever I was alone with myself, I started to speak to myself like a madwoman.

"I can't see why she is so protective of me. I mean, what would she gain out of saving my ass? Does she like the fact that everyone looks up to her like some kind of saviour?"

I remembered the times when she had rescued me, and they replayed through my head. I realised that her eyes had always been on me, and no one else. Those bloody irises stared into mine, concern printed all over her face. She didn't acknowledge anything else around her, and she always asked, _are you alright, Natsuki?_

I bit my lip and lowered my head. "Why do I remember it all so clearly? I wish I could forget them!" Inside I knew that wasn't what I really wanted, and that only frustrated me more.

I remembered what Yhoko had said about Shizuru doing it because she cares. Again I felt my heart give a strange, outstanding beat and I punched the ground in anger. Man, that woman got to me.

"She thinks she's all that, especially when she activates her HiME powers." This thought was accurate as during our battles she was always the first to delve into her hidden self and jump into the fight. She was also quick to humiliate me again by guarding every hit that came my way, and if she couldn't manage to deflect them, she would take them herself.

The first time she had done it, I had screamed.

Blood pulsed from a deep wound that stretched from her shoulder to her thigh. She coughed, the sound deep and strained, but she was smiling up at me.

"Why did you do that?" I had asked, angry at her interruption in the battle and her stupid idea.

She laughed and raised a shaking hand to my face as tears welled in her eyes. "I did it because I wanted to…"

Back in reality again, I rested the back of my head against the tree and stared towards the sunlight I could see between the leaves. "Why would she want to get hurt like that for me? Surely it's a little too far to go to show off, and if it was for that anyway, why not protect the others in such a way? Why was I special to her?"

I gasped as a thought came to mind, but I willed it away immediately. "That's ridiculous!" I could feel myself blushing and made a disgusted sound. "Why am I even thinking about that sort of thing? What the hell is wrong with me?!"

I didn't get time to think about it seriously. A loud crack of a snapping branch brought me to my feet. Something else was there in the shadow's of the trees, and I whipped out my guns as a completely natural instinct.

"Who's there?"

There was another snap as the intruder came closer. I rested my fingers against the triggers of my guns, orbs of light flowing around my body as I tapped into the HiME strength.

"Shizuru?"

No reply meant that it probably wasn't her, so then surely it was an…

"ORPHAN!"

I screamed the word, another instinct I had learnt through always being with other HiMEs. Of course I was alone and no one came to my side to join in the fight. It was me and the shadowy beast that showed itself.

The first thing I thought was _holy hell, that thing is freaking huge! _Then I calmed down and soaked in the relieving fact that Shizuru wasn't here to embarrass the life out of me. I could finally handle something on my own. I even thought about taking the filthy beast's head off and dragging it through the halls to show that I was capable… but that probably wouldn't go down well.

The orphan was, as I had come to terms with, _big! _It was huge, gigantic, enormous, and very, very ugly. To me, it resembled a tortoise, only it had a shell of spikes and drooled a green liquid. Its eyes were yellow and round like a fish, and its teeth were a constantly bared row of knives. It was a scaly black monster with thick clawed feet that made the ground rattle as it landed, making me lose my balance.

Wait, I tripped? Since when does that happen?!

"Okay, no time to panic!" I told myself out loud. "Just shoot that damn things head off!" I fired several bullets at it, but they had little affect as it would just turn around with surprising speed and let them bounce off of its shell.

_Oh crap._

"Natsuki!"

_Oh really crap!_

I recognised that voice too well. My stomach clenched and again my heart struggled oddly. I looked up to see a familiar flash of brown hair and a face that was serious for once. Someone had come to my rescue again, and I could only stare in disbelief.

"Shizuru?"

She didn't turn to face me as she stared the creature head on and spoke to me. "Run."

I shook my head, frustrated. "No! I can kill it! I don't need your help!"

She turned to me again, her eyes flashing a dangerous deeper red and a scowl crossing her face. "Run!"

I wasn't sure what made me move, but I was on my feet and rushing towards the school. I didn't know why, but she had an effect on me. I couldn't deny it. I was like a dog on a leash when she gave me an order, and I wanted to kick my own ass.

"Wait… what am I doing?" I slid to a stop in the field leading to the school entrance. Was I abandoning her? Sure, she annoyed the crap out of me with all of her heroics, but I couldn't leave her there… could I?

I stared back into the forest again and felt a ripping in my heart. Did I leave her and run, or did I save her when she had always made me look weak?

For the first time, I was struggling with the scenario that had played out too many times in my head.


	3. Opening my Heart

**Chapter Three**

**Opening my Heart**

Before I could control myself, I was running back into those trees. The only thing that stopped me from losing it was the fact that I knew I was doing this by my own free will and not following another one of her orders… Still, it made me feel like crap, only a part of me didn't care so much anymore.

I actually wanted to save her.

Blindly I ran, branches whipping my face and grinding on my temper. She wasn't my friend, but I couldn't leave her like that. Hell, I wouldn't let anyone die when I had a chance to save them.

I smiled at the irony of the situation. "Guess it's my turn to save you, Shizuru." Unfortunately I had a feeling she would enjoy it unlike my reactions to her rescues.

Feeling more than a tiny tint of guilt, I burst out into a small clearing and screamed out her name. There was no reply and I kicked at the ground. Great. I was lost and feeling something different inside of me that had me gripped by confusion. Why was I so worried about her? Sure, I felt bad for throwing her efforts to save me in her face, but still… My heart was beating so fast I thought I would throw it up. In all of the dangers I had faced, I had never felt like this before.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked aloud, my voice strained with fear. "Why… why do I feel like this?" I fell to my knees, giving up the last glimmer of hope that sat in side of me. What was the point? She was probably dead, and it was my fault. I couldn't get to her in time.

Then I heard it. It was a scream, strong and enraged. There was no doubt that it was Shizuru, and I raced after the sound, following her battle cries as she unleashed one after the other.

"Whoa, she's certainly getting heated," I muttered to myself, immediately going red. "Damn, stupid, ridiculous thoughts! Get out of my head!"

I didn't want to imagine what an idiot I looked like as I stumbled through the trees, pounding my head as frightening pictures of Shizuru in battle filled my mind. I felt my face going even redder, and it only got worse as I finally found her pressed up against the tree in my little ditch as the gimungas (excuse my personalised vocabulary) fiend cornered her.

Blood ran in thick trails down her arms as her hands held onto her chained weapon tightly and forced it out in front of her. As usual, she looked calm. It was either that expression, or pure happiness. I had never seen a frown cross her face, and it made me feel better as she looked fine despite having a clearly battered body. She had gone through hell for me, and it was time I paid her back for all of the times she saved my ass.

"Hey you fat assed orphan! Come over here and take on someone worth fighting!" I roared, pulling out my guns and emptying five bullets into its face. "That's right, come and get some!" Usually I wasn't so battle-crazy, but seeing Shizuru alive had done something to me.

I felt relieved.

Now that it had something new to play with, the orphan had a delighted glint in its eye. With surprising speed it charged at me, the disgusting drool frothing from its mouth enough to make me dive to the side. As I slid over the grass I fired another few bullets as its rib cage and was happy to finally see some blood instead of sparks as my attacks were blunted against its shell. Now things were looking good.

"Natsuki, be careful!"

I ground my teeth as Shizuru yelled out to me. She was still treating me like I couldn't do this on my own, but there was no time to get angry. "Just watch _your _back. I'll be fine!"

As I appeared behind the orphan I could see her smile in my direction before she dove into her attacks. Was it my imagination, or did she blush when she smiled? Again I had to shake my head free of those questionable thoughts. I had a job to do. I could worry about my mental health later!

The battle was raging as soon as I pulled myself together. I fired at the beast relentlessly, leaving blood weeping through the many cracks in its shell. Shizuru kept it busy on the opposite side, dancing past attacks and whipping out her amazing whip blade to snake about its throat when the opportunity arose.

It didn't take a genius to see that Shizuru was keeping her eye on me as I fought. As if there was much of a difference between us! I was doing just as much damage as her, so she didn't need to worry. However, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her either. I was worried for her, I couldn't deny it, but that was all… That was all…

"We're wearing him down, Natsuki! I think I can handle the rest!"

I shot a glare in the woman's direction. "I've told you, I can take care of my own enemies! I'm not going anywhere!"

Hurt flickered across Shizuru's features. "I'm just trying to keep you safe…"

Her injured voice made my chest ache and I distracted myself but letting another bullet loose into the back of the orphans head. "I don't need you to keep me safe, Shizuru! I can do it myself…"

"So that's why you almost drowned earlier, not to mention almost choking, falling asleep in the toilets, becoming too depressed to eat," she listed off, slicing into the orphan without really concentrating as she inched closer to me. "Natsuki, it looks to me like you need someone to take care of you, whether you like it or not."

The tone she was speaking was one I had never heard from her before. She sounded so serious, even a little sad, but I didn't cave in. "So what makes you the one to think you should do it? Why not leave it to someone else so I don't have to hear the rumours of us being, _ugh_, together!"

Another emotion flashed over her face, but I couldn't catch it properly. She turned away from the dying orphan and faced me with sad eyes. "I do it because…"

She trailed off as the monster that towered over us trembled at its thick legs and fell onto its stomach. It rolled about, clearly suffering, and I felt the same. My heart was in my throat as I feared her next words. As she began to say them, I drowned them out with another pull of the trigger to put an end to the orphan and leave it to disappear to the stars.

"Natsuki…"

I turned away from her, tears welling in my eyes.

"Please, don't be afraid."

"I'm not." It was hard to say with a lump in my throat.

"Then please, turn around and look at me."

I knew what she had said. Not even a gunshot could block it out. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and felt that cold grip around my throat that told me to run and hide my fears. This situation was no different and I raced away, running through the trees without having the knowledge of care for where I was going. Shizuru was behind me, I could hear her calling out to me. To my despair, she was faster than I had expected, and I felt her hands clasp over my shoulders.

"Natsuki, stop!"

The urgency in her voice was hard to ignore, but I was used to running when things got tough. I had to deal with them alone, so I still wasn't ready for her help. Especially not when I knew the reason…

"You don't have to be afraid of this, Natsuki. Just stop and turn around!"

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop myself once I had started. Call me stubborn by dragging the woman around as she latched onto me, but I had to deal with this alone… Then I realised something. If I ran, when would I stop running?

"Natsuki…"

I did it. I did something that I hadn't done for years. I stopped. My feet ceased abruptly in the floor of leaves and I felt Shizuru's hands loosen on my shoulders. Swallowing deeply, I turned to face her. I let her see my tears and my fears with them, and all she did was smile.

"All of these years and you didn't realise. Natsuki, you've been hiding for too long."

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't seen it before, she was right, and I realised how blind I had been. All of this time she wasn't tyring to humiliate me. She was really trying to protect me. She did it all because…

"Natsuki… I love you…"

I blinked fresh tears from my eyes, and then collapsed to the ground in a heap as darkness claimed me. It was good timing too. She had left me breathless, and without this release I was afraid she would have been the death of me.

*****

I awoke to the bright flames of a fire burning before me. I was lying in the little ditch from earlier that had been transformed into a camp by Shizuru. She was beside me, poking at the fire with a stick absent minded as she looked into the flames. They ignited in her eyes and for a moment all I could do was admire those irises.

As though sensing my staring eyes, Shizuru turned to me and smiled. "Good to see you've finally regained consciousness. I was starting to worry."

My voice was vacant for the moment, so all I could do was grunt. Every muscle in my ached as though I had been sleeping for a long time, and then I noticed the stars and understood.

"Sh-Shizuru? How long have I been out?"

The smile of hers was back, unwavering and unbreakable. For once I was happy to see it. "You passed out about three hours ago. At the moment it is about seven at night"

I didn't realise how long I had spent to myself in this forest earlier, but I was glad that it was night time. For some reason it calmed me down, as though the worries and pains of the day had come to an end.

"So are you feeling a little better?" Shizuru asked me as she turned to gaze into the fire again. "I know it was a bit of a shock, after all. I just didn't think that you would know so little about the fact."

I felt my face getting hot as I remembered her words. Who would have through three little words could have such an impact? I felt as though my entire soul had been shaken, as though on the inside there was a quake, and the outside was the only place where I could hide my terror.

"I wasn't trying to hide it from you, Natsuki," she continued as I remained silent. "I wanted to tell you, but the only times I had the chance were when you were in trouble and I needed to save you. I never found a time when I could just say it to you, but I only truly realised how much suffering my interventions were causing you when we fought that orphan over there." She pointed and I noticed her hand was shaking.

"Shizuru," I muttered, pulling myself up to sit straight. "It's alright. I was being stupid and taking it all the wrong way. I should have been thanking you. Damn, it must have hurt, my reactions to your kindness when all you were tyring to do was prove your…" I couldn't say it. I trailed off, feeling pathetic.

She didn't seem to mind. "It's alright if you aren't ready to realise it yet, Natsuki. My love for you isn't going anywhere, and either am I. I hope you realise that I would never let you get hurt, no matter how embarrassed you get."

It was the first time I felt at ease with the idea, and then I realised those feelings came up again, burning through my ice heart and blooming inside of me. I turned to her, the woman I could no longer keep my eyes off of, and reached out to press my hand against her cheek. "You know what? I don't want you to stop, and I don't want you to wait for me to accept your feelings. I've been so unfair, and I have also been hiding in the dark, but not just from you… I've been hiding from myself."

The fire seemed to rise as Shizuru stared with confusion clouded eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice low and gentle. "What do you fear from yourself?"

I knew everything now, the emotions I had locked away from my consciousness. I conjured the key and released them, and suddenly I couldn't keep away from her. I inched closer, keeping her face close to mine. "I've been hiding my own feelings from myself, and from you. Because I love you too, no matter how many times you drag me through the school when I look like a drowned water beast. I can't deny it anymore… I love you…"

I didn't think it was possible, but the woman's eyes brightened up even more. It was though a flame had become born inside of her and it roared to life. She grasped the hand I had pressed to her cheek and beckoned me forward with a gentle tug until I was leaning against her. We both stared into the burning campfire as the flames licked at the air during their passionate dance.

My heart was beating fast in my chest as I let my head rest against Shizuru's shoulder. I hadn't done this before, but it felt somehow right. The ice inside of me was gone, melted away by this woman of blazing beauty, care, and love. She was perfect in every way to me, and I was no longer afraid of her saving me from myself.

"Oh, Natsuki, I never thought this would actually happen. It feels like a dream," Shizuru purred as she leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. "You're like a dream. You have been to me for too long."

Never had anyone said anything like that to me, but my reaction was natural. I grinned back at her, my eyes tearing up. "I never thought I would mean so much to one person in my entire life. I'm glad I do now, and I am happy that it's you."

Her eyes blinked slowly as though she were still unable to believe I was really there. She came closer, her lips parting to whisper her love for me again before they joined to mine. I thought I would faint during my first kiss despite the tough girl act I put on, but it was too wonderful to miss. Her lips were so moist and inviting that I couldn't pull away. She made me feel stronger, like a piece that had always left me alone and running had replaced with the knowledge that she would be my protector.

As she pulled away to grasp my hands, I felt my insides burst to life. It was like a rose had risen from the ashes to allow this new feeling to grow. It was amazing, and I felt like I wasn't even myself. I was ready for anything, and I wouldn't do it alone anymore.

"Shizuru, you know what you are to me?" I said quietly, letting her hold onto my hands and press her lips to mine again quickly.

"What am I to you?" she asked, pulling away to brush my hair back over my ear.

I sank forward into her, letting her hold me in an embrace of shelter and protection. "You're my knight in shining armour."

I didn't need to look at her to know that she was smiling. It was always there, that shining beacon of hope and lust on her face, especially when she looked down at me and folded me up against her. "I won't let anything happen to you, my Natsuki."

I closed my eyes and started to drift into a sleep where I didn't have to be afraid. "I won't ever hide from you again."


End file.
